Vigilance
by MissJediKnight
Summary: 'I belong with Tobias because he chooses me. And I choose him. Every time.' - Tris summons the will to live. A little story of exploring love and coping with the aftermath that has taken so much from everyone.


**Author's Note: ****This is my first story...but I'd really like constructive criticism. The end of the book just struck me so much that I had to write something about it. I had to get into the story. Let me know if I should continue!**

"They'll care for each other." My mother is sweet and insistent, her beautiful green eyes alive and certain in a way that didn't exist in the living world. "That's what people do."

I smile and close my eyes. What a mistake that was.

Tobias. Tobias Eaton sits there on the floor in the Dauntless headquarters. I see the rush of water spray his handsome features, but I hear nothing. I move towards him, my gait is sluggish. I don't want to move. I can't get closer and it kills me. I don't know how long I stand there watching him. Why won't he move?

The scene doesn't shift, exactly. It's like I can finally see the whole thing in its entirety. Tobias sits in the middle of a solid floor. Lifeless…hunched. Curled around the gun in his hand. Holding it as though it were his last lifeline. Blood is slowly inching across the smooth floor in the creeping way only a liquid can. A body is crumpled on the edge of my vision. So small and still. Her limbs are twisted in the useless way everyone falls when they die standing. Too much blood has been absorbed by her blond hair.

I am immediately distracted by the stickiness running across my cheek. Blood. It coats my fingers and illuminates my gray world. Blood is fascinating. Dark. So fascinating I see it every time I blink. I know this isn't real. Just like I know every time I'm seeing something fabricated. A dream, I know, because I can't control this one. Tobias killed me? How? Why?

Suddenly, his hand moves. He has the dark metal pressed against his temple and he is gone before I have the time to scream. Finally I can move, really move. "How could you kill yourself?" My voice startles me. I don't mean to shout. My voice is ugly when I shout. Sharp and scathing, but then I have never really been kind. A smile turns the corners of his mouth, his eyes finding my before the light leaves them. He didn't have to answer because I know. I have always known the answer. He's like me…he has no will to live in a world where his loved ones have died. I am leaving him. My eyes squeeze shut.

When I open my eyes again I am in the control room. Back with my mother. Her smile lights her features and I can't resist the urge to forget the Pit. To forget guns. Tobias' body as it lay in a pool of his own blood. It wasn't real, anyway.

My small hand reaches out to touch hers, and she draws me close. We're leaving, that much is clear. Away from death and destruction. Away from our damaged world. Away from lies. Home and safety. Factions. Airplanes. Friends. There are too many things I haven't done yet. Too many people waiting for me. I am immediately guilty because I am being selfish.

"You've given them hope. To rebuild a world better than anything we've ever known. They will take the mistakes and damage and be stronger for them." A hand touches my shoulder, and I grin at my father. Wrapped in their love and security for the first time. I would have traded an entire lifetime for this. I would have walked into end with them without even batting an eyelash. But…

Tobias. _Tobias! _A hysterical laugh bursts from my lips and I don't even look up to gauge my parent's reaction. Part of me wonders if they are even there. I wonder if this is testing me in a way so familiar. I break through the fog of security into pain. Red hot agony that I have never experienced before. I am moving. Someone has me cradled in their arms, each step brings fresh pain surging through me. I'm screaming. Or I would be….I sound so choked. My cries are a whisper.

I can't tell when we stop, my vision is grey. I black out here and there. Each new moment of awareness brings more pain. People are shouting at me to stay awake, their voices bounce of my body like water. There is some sort of numbing agent flowing through my body. I want to laugh at them for wasting their supplies. They're cutting into me with something, I can tell that much as my itchy skin separates somewhere along my side. I must have gotten shot, but I can't remember when. The waves of blood draining from my body feels wonderful, I feel colder with every pulse. It's so comforting. I'm floating…

Tobias...

It is easy to imagine that the hands roaming my injuries are his. The waves of heat could be generated by the intoxicating way my body seems to love every moment that he brushes my skin. I try to reach out to touch him but he has my hands pinned at my sides. His smile is so genuine and shy as he takes his time tracing every inch of me. I am tingling, my heartbeat slows and stutters before coming back so strong I am choking. Something – his arms wrap around me in a way that holds me together. It contains the heat and keeps it from leaving me. Just when I think it is unbearable, his lips cover mine, blowing oxygen into my lungs for the first time in ages. My greed takes over as I breathe in his scent.

Every breath brings more clarity. I could have left. My mother and father….they were waiting for me. They could have shielded me in a way that Tobias never could. But Tobias gave me life. I chose him. Each time I remember that moment, it becomes impossible to leave. My mother and father are a distant memory. They don't belong here in my world. But I do. I belong with Tobias because he chooses me.

And I choose him. Every time.

This time, when I close my eyes I can see her again. My mother, the embodiment of the Abnegation way. She is still smiling. She looks proud, but I know she can't say that. She disappears into a light and the light goes with her. I should be smiling. There is no way to tell, really. All I know is that Tobias will be there the next time I open my eyes. It gives me strength.


End file.
